White Tangerine

White Tangerine, somehow that place gets more and more sian but tonight was kinda awesome?

wahahaha !

Today had church again. like always. actually to be honest honest, i wasnt really looking forward to it when i woke up today cos this whole week, i've been really emotionally drained.

Like in this whole week, i have been at my happiest, saddest, most worried, most confused, most stressed in a long time . I wish emotions have a off button somewhere so i can put them on sleep mode lah. And i wouldnt need to bother with all these stuffs. *sighs*

anyway, i wasnt looking forward, also in fear of suffocation? I guess i did feel a bit lah when i entered the church and met up with everyone. But worship was a blaaaaaaaast i felt god just telling me " Celia, you can have rest with me." and i just let it all out during worship.

Cell group today was a bit different : We split up guys and girls for some reason. Apparently Hitomi wanted to know the girls more personally and somehow it became this really wierd girl-talk session. wakaka, it was fun made me feel much better.

Dinner at White Tang, it was okay? Me and Wj walked allllll the way to cold storage to buy sushi and honeybaked ham (YUMMMMS) and i was complaining all the way lah.

HE MADE ME WALK ONE WHOLE ROUND TO THE FREAKING COFFEE SHOP JUST COS HE WANTED TO SAY HELLO TO THE OTHER PEEPS BUT IN THE END HE DIDNT LAH WTH.

crazy bimbo -.-

Stayed there all the way til late, played around with the singer's guitar and failed at singing cos number one, sorethroat, number two, dun know lyrics/tune/key not suitable awwwwws. But still had fun ^^

Anyway, today ended up well :DD i really had fun with all my lovely people .

Kayys BYEEEE !

Crazy

I really cant believe this week is finally over. like, over over. OMG. It has been like, hectic, no crazy even okay.

FIRST THERE WAS CHOIR EVERYDAY. like everyeveryday, goodmits me, idk how i even survived. But somehow i did, and im really really really really hyped up for the concert. I really hope we do a good job man. I know we have really a short time left, like seeing theres a week-long break and all, but i really have confidence in the choir ^^ like especially the sopranoes i know i mentioned it in my previous post, but im still gonna say it again : im really proud of them man.

Then, you happened. Idk how but it happened and its gone but yeah im glad thats cleared up but it still kinda made my whole week crazy.

And theres the sad thing about not buying anything. and not going out. and THE EXCHANGE ohmannnns lol. another crazy crazy day of this crazy crazy week i tell you *faints*

yuppps, tomorrows saturday im really looking forward to like finally slacking with all my lovely people ^^

okayyys BYEEEE !

Regrets

Somehow i wish that i never asked you but i think it was the right move; i find myself with lesser expectations and i guess thats a good thing? But at moments i still find myself glancing the phone only to be greeted with disappointment. But no worries. Im fine doing better than before with all my thoughts cleared up.

Today had sectionals , yeah again. This is whole week was really really hectic but i guess its all for the sake of the concert, which im really really hyped about ^^ like really really. All the performance pressure and exxcitement is building up and i can sense it. AND IM REALLY PROUD OF THE SOPRANOES :DD ESPECIALLY THE SOP TWOS IM REALLY REALLY PROUD OF YOU GUYS YOU GUYS SHONEEEEE :D okay yeah improved like tremendously and i can really see the effort you guys put in well done hahahaha !

okay after that went to orchard with denice, can you believe it, i didnt get anything :( super dee duper sian i tell u. lol. i cant believe one week of june hols are just gonna be over like that i feel so so so deprived hahahaha !

yeah nothing much today lah, just like any of the other days. Thanks to choir, my life is officially dead. hahahaha! hope its all gonna be worth it ^^ Oh yeah, wanna thank the lord for making the exchange ytd quite not-that-epic-fail. but hopefully the next one will be better planned out and more thought placed into those smaller details :))

hahaha kayys BYEEEE !

Today was exchange, and i swear. I never ever ever and ever want to be in charge of it again.

SHIT it wasnt even my choice in the first place sian. I cant wait for all of it to be over .

Kayys BYEEE.

Choices

Yes tonight was the night i cleared things up, cleared my thoughts up and cleared all my doubts. I threw away all my pride and all my uncertainities and i still cant believe how blunt and direct i was being with you. Really to my surprise you replied and now my soul is at ease. I really understand now. What i do from now, its all my own choice and not the least affected by you.

Now im having a clear head and its all thanks to you.

You messaged me alright, but the insecurities are all still there. Somebody, tell me what he's thinking already, cos i aint the slightest idea. And that sucks ttm.

Idk whats wrong with me i guess i want more than what i already have, and i know everything i want is out of my reach. Its never gonna happen. I know it. And it irks me even more when i know all of this yet i still continue to be in want, and i get disappointed over and over again. I know i never had a chance, and i never will. I told you, and myself even, that i'll forget about you, but its so freaking hard. Subconciously i'm waiting for a miracle even, and my prayers are all about you. Idk man, i never felt this way before , really. Never before in the past. These strong feelings are all so freaking new to me and im scared of the unknown. I dont wanna fall deeper han i already have. I dont want to wait. I dont ever want to think about you. I want to tell myself, im contented with being just friends.

But what im doing, is all otherwise. Somebody wake me up. I have enough feeling so insecure, doubtful and greedy. Im insecure, I wonder if you find me irritating, a girl who likes you messaging you. Full of doubts, what do you think of me? Greedy, i want to be more than friends.

I have enough of all of this. These negative thoughts constantly running through my head, constantly wondering, "Are you gonna message me?", constantly doubting myself. But its just so hard to stop it. My heart wont listen to my head.

Somebody, tell me what to do, please.